just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
tell me about the eggs
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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