just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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