I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just gift wrapped bread.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
