Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
