he shaved USA in his pubs
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
