Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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