this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
