woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
COCAINE IS GR8
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
