its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
