how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
