I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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