Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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