i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
