I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
