i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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