honey bunches of taint.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
