I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
