Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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