You're my little dorito
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
