your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
