Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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