we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Buhtt sex?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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