I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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