While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
