Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
