I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
