he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
