My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
