The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
