What did we do last night that was yellow?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
