but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
