So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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