Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
