So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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