You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
