Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
