I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
