The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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