he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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