I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
