dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
