Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
