In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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