U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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