I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
