This girl is more easily done than said...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
