he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
