I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it's like heaven, but drunker
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
