..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
