From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
